By Your Side, Forever and Always
by Mononoke-hime x sukai kurora
Summary: After the Thousand Year Blood War, Renji remained the vice-captain of the sixth division. As the Shinigami watches the moon, he thinks about a conversation between him and his captain.


The majority of the Soul Society Arc information I received was from _The Kuchiki Byakuya and Abarai Renji Ship Manifesto._ _  
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SelenityShiroi, you are awesome, and I thank you for allowing me to open my eyes!

* * *

 _By Your Side, Forever and Always_

Abarai Renji was staring at the moonlight. In the past ten years since Yhwach's defeat, little had changed for the red-haired Shinigami or the sixth division. Kuchiki Byakuya, the captain of the sixth, was as unapproachable to the unseated officers and to the majority of his own division as he had been when Renji had been first given the vice-captain positon. _Eleven years…_ A slight smirk framed Renji's features at the thought, remembering the moment when he had first presented himself to Kuchiki-taichou. _How long it has been._ A decade of more didn't particularly matter to the Shinigami or those in Rokungai. The passage of time was hard to discern. It was only by the seasons and perhaps something special like only a treat or a specific food that occurred at a certain time that Renji remembered most vividly. So ten years wasn't much compared to a human's lifespan. Even so… _"I still don't understand!" Ikkaku had shouted to him. "Why don't you accept a captain's seat? You've already surpassed him, Renji!"_

Several others had said the same thing when, after the war, the eighth division was without a captain. Many had thought Renji would accept. The seated officers of his division. Rikichi, as well, had asked shyly if how strange it would be to call him Abarai-taichou instead of Renji-san. The older Shinigami had stared at the younger for a moment, trying to understand what he was implying. It had been six months roughly after the war, and the unseated officers and the rest of division six had finished rebuilding the headquarters of their division. At that time, the question of who would be the captain of the eighth division was all that anyone could talk about – except for Kuchiki-taichou, of course. If he had an opinion on the matter, the noble Shinigami was silent. For which Renji was grateful. His ears had bleed from of how his old friends were telling him that he would make a good captain. It relieved him when Kuchiki-taichou had not said a word on the matter. Silence between them was good. Renji had learned to appreciate silences and quiet. In many ways, the silences he had with the noble Shinigami were more important than their conversations.

It was no longer stifling. Their silences held an aura of peace, and Renji had never thought he would ever be so peaceful with a brush and pieces of paper.

Or with Kuchiki Byakuya, The captain of the sixth division, and the twenty-eighth head of the noble Kuchiki clan.

Renji had been stunned when, shortly after refusing the captain seat of the eighth division, Kuchiki-taichou had required his attendance late that night. It had been almost ten years ago, and Renji's brown eyes stared at the moon with a faded expression as the memories of that night engulfed him in their embrace.

" _It should be in your best interest to accept the captain's seat, Renji."_

 _Kuchiki Byakuya was not looking at Renji as he spoke, just as he did during the battle with the Miracle. Instead, his gray eyes were staring at the sky, and Renji found himself staring at the noble's still mouth, which was as calm and collected as always. No. Renji bowed his head, his heart almost collapsing at the memory of his captain fighting As Nodt, a shout tearing from the noble's throat, as his blood was scattered over the pavement of Sereitei. There had been so much blood. It had stunned Renji to think of his captain capable of having fear, of being afraid. What could his captain fear? The knowledge that he, the proud vice-captain of the sixth division, was unable to protect his captain from his own bankai. He had attacked As Nodt without thinking, feeling only the instinct to_ make it stop. _Renji was supposed to protect his captain, not the other way around. His greviously wounded, barely-able to stand captain was not supposed to protect his errant subordinate with every power he had left._

 _The bankai that Renji had zealously studied since his defeat after Rukia's execution had been used to cut his captain to ribbons. One hand was severed. His stomach had been completely destroyed. A pool of blood had been left where the fourth division had found him. In the Soul Palace, Renji had never told anyone of how he awoke to nightmares. With a scream collapsing in his throat with cold sweat, Renji had every night hastily threw on a summer yukata and had wandered over to where his captain was healing. Covered in bandages. Even his eyes remained unseen. Renji had been surprised that the caretaker hadn't been around. You would think that he would, knowing of who he was. But Renji hadn't said anything to a coma state Kuchiki Byakuya during those nights. What could he say, knowing that he had failed his captain, failed his division, and failed himself?_

 _Renji didn't know when he had started to think of Kuchiki Byakuya as his captain. Everyone, including himself, had thought of Renji's relationship with the cold sixth division captain was one of vengeance and rivalry. It couldn't be farther from the truth. Renji had bared his fangs at Kuchiki Byakuya, shouting to all who could hear that the noble was his rival and that he would defeat him and get Rukia back. But it was a façade. Renji had breathed it for so long that it was only when he was in bed, awake and unable to focus, that he remembered the true reason why he had accepted the seat as a vice-captain to a Shinigami many perceived that he hated. In truth, the red-haired Shinigami had simply wanted to surpass Kuchiki Byakuya, not because he had taken Rukia away, but because of something so simple it was almost laughable. The brown-eyed Shinigami wanted to surpass Kuchiki Byakuya because he admired him. Renji could still remember the choking reiatsu on the day they indirectly met._

Beautiful, _his teen self had thought then. His heart was clenching from of how Rukia had bid her goodbye to him, and it was then that he vowed that one day he be good enough to walk beside that unnamed noble Shinigami. To be good enough to be considered his equal, and then…only then would he be able to look Rukia in the eyes again._

 _Only then would he tell Kuchiki Byakuya of that he didn't hate him._

 _Renji sighed and this time looked straight at his captain. "It would serve me best to stay as your vice-captain, Taichou."_

 _Kuchiki-taichou did not respond. For a moment, his eyes searched Renji's, and a sudden confusion appeared in them._

" _You have no reason to burden yourself with a vice-captain seat, Renji." The red-haired Shinigami was aware that his captain's cool reaitsu – as cool as a summer's wind or the water in a stream – slightly changed. There was a slight disturbance, a heat that didn't appear before, and Renji almost started at the growing frustration emerging in his captain's words._

" _You have achieved bankai, and have grown strong, Renji. There will soon be a point in time in which you will have surpassed me."_

"Dakara, doushite Renji? Mada naze koko ni iru?"

 _The same question that Kuchiki-taichou had asked him shortly after Aizen had betrayed Soul Society. The same question that still echoed in Renji's mind at times, when he could not sleep. In his heart, he truly knew why he remained by Kuchiki-taichou's side. And yet, so many others still could not understand. Renji noted of the subtle differences between now and then. The noble by his side was not in the fourth division, and dark hair was not as free as it had been. The only other time… Renji shook his head. Somehow the vice-captain was aware of how hard it was for his captain to not show the emotion he had. Many people only saw the cold exterior of Kuchiki Byakuya, the mask of indifference and cold reason of laws and nobility. But he was more than that. Back then, his captain had stated with disinterest – of which Renji now saw as self-loathing – that his vice-captain must wish him dead. What had been his reply? Oh…yes. Something about rivalry. The red-haired Shinigami swallowed, remembering too of what he had stated to his captain, after the question that was repeated to him this present time._

 _It wouldn't be any good to say that he was his vice-captain. No, it had to be deeper. It had to be the truth._

" _When…As Nodt almost killed you…I couldn't handle not being able to do anything." Renji turned, and was surprised to find Kuchiki-taichou have an expression similar to shock. "I…hated myself for not being able to protect you, Taichou. I could…only scream like a shitty brat for that quincy to stop."_

" _My defeat was of my own making, Renji." His captain spoke quietly with a slight firmness. "You had nothing to do with my failure."_

" _It wasn't a failure!" Renji shouted. All the self-control he had thought he had evaporated, and the Shinigami found himself choking on his buried emotions as he continued to speak from his long congested heart. "I tried to protect you, but I ended up being protected! It wasn't supposed to happen that way!" Rage curdled in his stomach at the memory. "And because you protected me, you got wounded again! And I…was hopeless. When I…finally awoke, I was…relieved to hear that you had survived, Taichou. And I made a promise to myself."_

" _A promise to never allow that to happen again."_

" _I can tell that you have something else to say, Renji." His captain was calm and strangely spoke in quiet kindness. "Speak."_

 _Renji sighed. His heart thudded against his chest, and he fought to control his trembling hands._

" _I remember what you said during Sasaki-fukutaichou's funeral." He looked up at the sky, seeing the dark sky overhead and the stars. "That we wouldn't be able to understand the pain of what Soutaichou was going through right now. Well, it goes both ways, Taichou._ I _never want to understand the pain of losing my captain."_

" _You would not be losing me, Renji. I will still be by your side, fukutaichou. I will not allow your emotions to hold back to what you deserve."_

 _Renji shook his head, laughter bubbling in his throat despite seeing his captain frown in his direction._

" _But that's it, isn't it, Taichou? It is my decision, and no one, especially you, can tell me what I want."_

 _There was a faint pause. For a moment, the captain's and vice-captain's eyes met, and Renji was stunned at the raw emotion emerging in his captain's gray eyes._

" _I am not a Shinigami you should aspire to follow, Renji. I am cold. You are more of a brother to Rukia than I will ever be, and yet of why you chose to want to stay by my side stuns me to no end." His captain's eyes closed, and he spoke in almost a sigh. "I have my own confession to make, Renji. When Kurosaki Ichigo first appeared in Soul Society after my defeat, I asked if you and Rukia were alive. Dying, I was content with the thought that my sister and vice-captain were alive. I…humbled myself and pleaded Kurosaki Ichigo to protect Soul Society. I did not understand why I was crying, but I was."_

" _Taichou…" Renji murmured. Crying…? What could cause him to cry? I haven't even seen him smile, so why would he…?_

" _I know that you believe of me as a cold soul, Renji. That I do not care about my subordinates, but that is farther from the truth. I have felt every death of our division, and I was ashamed that I could not protect every individual. However, that was not what caused the true agony. The true reason why I did not allow you to battle As Nodt was because I could not allow my bankai to kill you. Although you have encountered my bankai before, I…did not kill you. I could have. If I had truly wanted you dead for your part in preventing Rukia's execution, I would have._

" _Even then, as you hated me, I could truly not bring myself to kill you. But he most certainly would have."_

 _Renji didn't know what to say. His mind was spinning. He couldn't think, he couldn't –_

" _I realized what my…emotions were after the battle with As Nodt. I was ashamed that I could not protect the two souls that are irreplaceable to my heart."_

" _Why are you saying this?" Renji asked. He wanted to shout, but found himself unable to as he thickly swallowed. "Why?" he rasped. "Why didn't you say anything? I mean,_ that _was not trying not to kill me?"_

 _His captain looked him. "Paitience, Renji. I was almost near death after my defeat, and I remember only…blackness. It was so cold, so very empty. I didn't know where I was, Renji. I could have died even then if I had no will. And although I told myself I would never tell you this, I will tell you now."_

" _My will was…you and Rukia. I had thought to myself, of how I wanted to protect Soul Society, and never again fall to blood and near death. For I…too, like a child's wish, wanted to stay by your both of your sides."_

" _I was ashamed of how I felt when you had refused to become the taichou of the eighth division, Renji. I was clinging to you as if I owned you, when you deserve more."_

" _You said I was irreplaceable, right?" The raven-haired noble almost stared at him incredulously. "So…what does that mean?"_

 _A sigh escaped from the noble, and Renji stared at the most amused eyes that turned toward him. He looked towards his captain, proud and regal and beautiful as his cherry blossoms that he loved so much._

" _It means that I would like to have you continuously by my side, Renji."_

 _Renji thought. He had never thought that this is what happiness would be like. Happiness was supposed to be liquor and friends, not…this. But yet, he felt happier than he could ever remember._

" _I would stay by your side as long as you need to, Taichou. As long as we both hold breath. If I was to die, I would want to die as your vice-captain by your side, for one hundred years or one thousand."_

" _Like…Soutaichou and Sasaki-fukutaichou," Renji added in a whisper. But his captain had heard._

" _Yes. We are quite like them, if you look closely. When I was a young Shinigami, I had heard of how Soutaichou and Sasaki-fukutaichou once fought."_

" _Seriously?" Renji gasped. His captain again looked amused at his expression._

" _Yes." For a moment, a peaceful expression appeared in Kuchiki-taichou's eyes. "Yes, I would…be pleased if you stayed by my side as my vice-captain, Renji."_

Together the two of them were sitting outside watching the moon. Renji was wearing his normal flower-pattern yukata, holding a cup of tea in his hands as he watched Byakuya at the corner of his eye. It came out as a mistake one evening shortly after a year after the conversation they had about the eighth division's captain's seat. Renji half-thought his captain would be displeased, but the raven-haired noble said that it was alright. When they were alone, it would be fine if Renji called his captain by his given name. In many ways, the statement had caused Renji to truly understand the façade and the true Byakuya Kuchiki. Many others did not spend as nearly enough time with the captain, and Renji began to understood his moods and hidden emotions and of everything he could ever want to know.

"So, Rukia is a captain now." The pride that shone in Byakuya's eyes under the moonlight was enough for Renji to truly smile. He watched his captain, seeing his dark and soft hair against the white yukata, and of the relaxed expression he had. With the captain and nobility attire removed, Byakuya appeared younger. But in Renji's mind, the noble would always be as strong and as beautiful as he was the day he had first seen him.

For one hundred years or one thousand, Renji would always be beside Kuchiki Byakuya's side.

 _I love you,_ Renji thought as he stared at his beautiful captain. Although he didn't say those words, the Shinigami knew that Byakuya felt the same. It didn't matter that neither had said those words. They knew each others heart's and every feeling that they had.

They understood each others feelings without saying a word.

And that was a love Renji thought he had never thought he would experience.

* * *

"Dakara, doushite Renji? Mada naze koko ni iru?"

 _So, why Renji? Why are you still here?_


End file.
